Hear Ye, Hear Ye. In the name of Queen Hickey I, Sir Heath hereby declare an expansion of the empire and declare war to achieve a hostile takeover of Glenorchy City Council Shire ....... All able-bodied men of the Hobart Town Empire are summoned immediately to the castle in preparation for war. The cavalry have amassed on Creek Road ready to storm the area. Archers surround the Council Chambers from the rooftops of Shiploads, Northgate, Hungry Jacks and Service Tasmania (we tried Centrelink but they got their heads kicked in when customers thought they were jumping the queue)....... There is no escape........ Our message to the people of Glenorchy is this: Do not panic and do not resist. We are here to help and once your leaders are overthrown you WILL learn to love, respect and pay us (Kim Jong Un style)....... Many will die and the battle may be long but in the name of our queen we will expand the empire. We will provide the knights of the oblong table resources, rates, land and parking fees in order to strengthen our position and increase our wealth. We will take their gold and make their subjects subservient to us........ Parking meters have been deployed in Moonah, Glenorchy and Claremont townships and all available car parks have been secured with boom gates and self serve paying stations installed........ Northgate has been fortified and will serve as our base for the duration of the war (Ron is trying on a suit in Man to Man at this moment. Was $999 now $199. (Incredible bargain)........This will also be the permanent home of the Taste of Tasmania when the food court is extended at the end of the war........ KGV will be converted to pay and display parking........ The Derwent Entertainment Centre will be repurposed as the new Slick Promotions head office. I, Sir Heath have been gifted the GCC building and staff and my salary tripled as the spoils of war start to flow. Sir Christie has been gifted Elwick Racecourse in thanks for his public grovelling to the Queen. Marti gets Chigwell........ From there Ron can also watch over our soon to be acquired “Centre for Arty Farty and Event stuff”......... That’s right Walshy! WE OWN MONA NOW........ We were keen to plunder the suburbs but that seems to have been already done by the locals. Oh and to the lads doing donuts near our cavalry. You might think it’s funny boys but you won’t be laughing if we put an arrow through your Pirelli’s so piss off you are scaring the horses........ To Mayor Kristie Johnston. Your demise is imminent......... If you surrender peacefully you will be gifted your GM Peter Brooks for a butler and Tolosa Park for your residence........ P.S. Queen Hickey, who speaks on behalf of all the knights of the oblong table would also like to say “We are better and richer than you so nah nah na boogy. YOU WILL BOW BEFORE ME”........ Not even Captain Glenorchy can save you.
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